I need to free myself

I need to free myself 
Of this need to be in a “relationship” 
Aren’t I already? 
In one? With every other thing in the universe? 

It has only but been 3.5 decades of conditioning that needs to be undone 

As a woman, it is hard to admit to oneself that one doesn’t need a typical romance that will end in a happily forever marriage & 2 children 

Admit to oneself she might after half her life has passed by, may be she stepped into that place doubting herself & gave it her all ..perhaps like my mother did 
Admitting to another, stepping out of that space into her own may just never happen
She could fall flat in her nose for stepping out 
For we truly have forgotten what community means 

As humans , can we do better? 
Better to give our existence meaning beyond being a social animal 
How have we built our families with love only to hate someone else’s? 

If we freed ourselves of this need to live life in a tight box , neatly checking for sameness , 
May be then, we would make space to explore our true sense of selves 
To take pride in the journey each goes through as they go through it 
Honor the true unique individuality we all are ordained to bring forth
Or atleast share the possibility of it 

Go dance my child, your feet will hurt as the song comes through you & that’s what you are made for 
..to radiate my essence 
..to glow in my love 


Notes on how this poem came about- This poem is a mix of how I as a woman of 40 today have felt at some point, how possibly my mother & many other men/women felt at some point juxtaposed with me listening to Billie Eilish's What was I made for. We all know what a great artist she is and that her art comes for another plane, but this was the first one where her voice, rendition , video and pared down music all pushed out this poem from me.