Are you living in the belief that you do things for others or that you are quite virtuous when you care for Others? That you are not talking about yourself when you talk about your beloved or the person you hate the most?
If you have answered the above pointers in the affirmatory, I suggest you spend some more time understanding yourself (that is if you wish to). Couple of years back, a wise person told me “People who are Self less are Supremely Selfish”. It is from there that my journey of introspection began about 5 years back. I kept on asking myself, reading books and observing people around, this is what I arrived at…
Whenever I felt that I did something for my mom or my friends, I found that it was essentially for some need inside me that I acted in that manner. When I thought I bought a microwave for my mom’s convenience, I was actually satisfying my need to give back to her whatever she had been doing for me. When I wanted to make peace with a friend, it was my need to go smooth and get the person back in my life. Even when I did some social work, I did it because it satisfied my need to be of some use to the society.
Some other amazing observations happened when I realized that while talking of someone else we land up talking of ourselves, admission to the same is a choice though. Smart interviewers ask you about Role Models in Life, What influenced us most about them etc etc…In the process, we talk of the things we value, like and dislike but are more comfortable routing it through another person’s life…Recently it dawned upon me when I was in a Leadership workshop wherein participants were asked to make a mention of their favourite leader and the reasons why they look up to him or her. While I listened to the inputs from other people, I looked at my own reply saying that “I do not look upto any person in particular but 2-3 and listed out the characteristics. The thing that struck me was when I mentioned of Abraham Lincoln and said that it was his ability to overcome his limitations, make people look up to him and also the ability to Comeback from various Setbacks.” This just spoke of things I did in my own life and want to continue with it…Listening to other participants was more informatory thereafter.
Even in relationships when we decide to modify our behaviours to keep the relationship going, it is our need to sustain the relationship for reasons best known to us. Problems arise when we start believing that we sacrifice for someone else…
In our life partners, we wish to see ourselves and there comes the endless chain of expectations/ demands which may not be fair all the while. The first step is to acknowledge that the phenomenon of seeing yourself in him or her exists and then give him or her the space of his “I”. Appreciate the differences while you count on similarities.
…..All world is a reflection of your own self.. Acknowledge, accept , open up, receive and your “I” will merge with the magnanimity of the universe…
2 thoughts on “The “I” in You…”
Interesting…It’s for the same reason one mourn’s a close one’s death.That’s when it’s about the “I”.But,I’m not sure how to apply this understanding to daily life.
You are very true when u say that its a inner selfish thought that makes one help others or do something for others. I too had read something similar sometime back and had done some thought-work on this. And was amazed to find out how true the writer was!But yes there may be exceptions to this – like doing something for your kid! Ofcourse the selfishness is involved there too – you may do it to your kid now so that he will return it in your old age 🙂 But atleast I don’t have any selfish intentions when i do something for my kid.ANyway, a good reading experience! Keep it up…Rajeev Pillai